Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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