his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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