Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
