I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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