The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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