remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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