He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
nutella sex= disaster
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
