happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
