take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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