His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
