I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
