Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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