I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
