i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you never un-have a 4some
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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