you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It was confusing and full of hummus
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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