I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
