no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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