Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
