i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
home. puking in laundry basket.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
