Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
