Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
