After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
