He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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