VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
