thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
