i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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