I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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