Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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