next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
