I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
