dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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