Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
