so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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