Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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