What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....