fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
