I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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