yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
