Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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