I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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