this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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