someone threw a dead crab at me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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