i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I need a burrito and a hug.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
