i just had sex bonerless
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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