1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
