I'm so fucking centered right now
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
