So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
nutella sex= disaster
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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