The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
