and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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