Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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