I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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