Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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