hotel room ftw
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
