Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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