did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
