I wish I could punch you in the face.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
