please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
