i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
