if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All the doctor said was why
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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