I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
