I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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