I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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