New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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