i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
