I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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