Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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