Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
