I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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