the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
