Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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