my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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