I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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