So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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