She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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