I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
