i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
