I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
