So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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